A New Normal

It’s been hard for me to find the motivation after having a baby, to care about my appearance. It may sound a bit grim of me to say such things, because women should be floating on air, in cloud-nine, feeling like their life is complete, and feeling indifferent and even bad about the way I look doesn’t agree with those things. But in the midst of all the changes(the lack of sleep, a new body that suddenly seems foreign, weak and powerful all at the same time, breastfeeding, worrying that despite all the motherly instincts, I’m doing it all wrong) thinking about putting on makeup, doing my hair or picking out an outfit felt like a chore. Getting ready now usually includes Wesley jumping in the bathroom doorway in his jumperoo, while I shower (minus washing my hair, because that’s just way too much of a commitment in the morning these days) throw on some foundation and mascara, and put on black skinny jeans and a long cardigan. That’s it. That’s all I’ve got. I used to love getting ready for the day, but now it’s just a race. 

But there is hope. I’m starting to feel more normal again. My body is back to its usual size, Wes is growing into a toddler way too fast, and I’m starting to feel like I have a little more time for myself. It’s refreshing to feel motivated again. I’ve even started feeling the itch to start running again. I’ve only ran a handful of times since Wes was born, the desire just wasn’t there, and it wasn’t my top priority. I drove around our neighborhood the other day while Wes slept. Slowing, winding down the quite streets I used to run on my long-distance-days, I remember the crisp air racing through my lungs, the crunch of fresh snow beneath my feet, and the closeness I felt to God, and I longed to be out there on the road.

I’m not sure the point I’m trying to make here. Maybe, that we won’t always have the same priorities all the time, and that’s ok. We need to cut ourselves a break and live where we are in the moment. I may not run 10 miles on Saturday mornings anymore, but I am up at 6 a.m. most days, and I definitely couldn’t have said that 2 years ago. My outfits used to be picked out and my hair and makeup nicely done, but I’m definitely way more efficient and productive now than I’ve ever been, even if my hair isn’t brushed, or my outfit “on fleek”.  Life is a continual making of a “new normal” and we need to embrace it.  I’m certain as soon as I get used to this moment in time and start to feel comfortable, it will all change again….

Christmas Bajamas

 It’s Wes’s first Christmas, and while he could care less, I’m pretty excited. I’ve seen this reoccurring idea circulating around the internet where on Christmas Eve you let your kids open one gift that contains Christmas pajamas, a movie, popcorn and candy. They wear the pajamas, watch the movie and have the popcorn and candy for the movie. Wes is still too young for the movie and food, but who doesn’t love some Christmas pajamas. I know I did as a kid. I only received one set of Christmas pajamas from my grandma when I was 7 or 8, and I loved them. It was a set of red and plaid pajama pants and a matching long sleeve top, clearly made from NON-fire retardant fabric. In fact, I think they probably came with a warning on them that said they could be used as fire starter…but I loved them all the same.

Little side story about those pajamas. After I got them my mom, being the great mom she is, sent me to go write a thank you letter to my grandma. I started,

“ Dear Grandma, Thank you so much for the Christmas pjs…”

I stopped. I couldn’t remember, was it Pajamas or Bajamas? Remember, I was only about 7. I thought about it for a moment, and then decided, it must but be Bajamas. I carefully added another loop, changing my P to a B.

It wasn’t until a few years later, after I had learned how to spell pajamas, that I remembered this letter to grandma. Realizing I had spelled it incorrectly, even years later, I was so embarrassed. Fast-forward many, many years later, I recalled this moment again, and laughed out loud, realizing I had written, “Thank you so much for the Christmas bjs,” to my Grandma. I’m sure she got a kick out of it at the time.  

But back to Wes. I want to make traditions for him, I want to things to feel special, not because of all the presents he may or may not get, but because of the memories we’ve made with him during Christmas, and because of the hope the Christmas story brings. I can’t wait to make every memory with him. I can’t wait for him to open his pajamas and to explain to him why we celebrate Christmas, to tell him the real story and to have him feel the magic I felt when I learned about how God sent his only son for us, that he came to us as a baby that night in Bethlehem, and that the angels announced his arrival in the sky to the shepherds.

This Christmas I think he’ll like the wrapping paper most, but he will be opening Christmas pajamas this Christmas Eve even so, even if the magical feeling is just for me.

What I’ve been up to

So, what have I been up to since September? A lot actually! The last time I posted on here my bump was barley there… and to think I felt so huge at the time. There is SO much to think about for a first baby that I didn’t expect. I planned for the medical bills but not for all the little things, and so, my mind has been extremely preoccupied. So here are a few things I’ve been filling my days with.
1. We found out we are having a BOY and we picked a name!
2. I immediately started sewing baby clothes!
3. I decided early on in my pregnancy to cloth diaper, and researching and building a diaper stash has been a long process. I bought some, I made some, I watched youtube videos, I made YouTube videos…. It’s been fun.
4. I documented the bump progress.
IMG_5047IMG_4931DSC_020929 weeksIMG_4669IMG_464920 weeks (3)16 weeks (1)12 Weeks (2)9 Weeks (2)4 Weeks (2)  
 I’m currently at 37 weeks, about to pop and eating everything in sight. I’m not even sorry.  Seriously, I ate a big piece of cake today, like 6 cookies(i stopped counting), a couple handfuls of animal crackers(and lets be real, their just cookies that someone named crackers). It wasn't my best day to say the least. 
This baby is welcome to arrive anytime soon. Maybe my next post will have a new face to share with you all:)